The Last 3.5 Years

In this launch episode, I’m lifting the lid on where I’ve been for the last 3.5 years and how the idea of Endless Possibilities became a reality. From the unexpected success of my first memoir to finding my own unique path in long-term recovery - it’s been one hell of a journey.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to Sober Horizons, the Endless Possibilities podcast. It's been quite a while since I've done anything like this. Many of you will know me from many years ago. I used to have a blog on Facebook called Endless Possibilities. That was running for about a year, maybe two years. I can't remember now. And it all came about when I left rehab. I left rehab in August 2019 after doing a 28-day stay for various addictions, alcohol, and class A drugs. And I kind of went against the grain in terms of recovery. I didn't do the traditional 12-step route. And it just wasn't for me. It wasn't my cup of tea. I became quite resentful of the fact that I had to go because, you know, I was told I had to go. And so I reached out on a it was a private Facebook group ran by the company that uh owned the rehab I went to. And I remember it was it was supposed to be used for like support. So anyone who who went through that company's rehabs, they got rehabs dotted all over the country, um, were welcome to kind of post in the private Facebook group, you know, are I'm struggling, or does anyone know any good meetings in such and such area, that sort of thing. Um, and when I was posting, you know, it's I'd I didn't I didn't use it too much for support, um, because I was getting on quite well actually. But occasionally, you know, I'd have a little bit of a wobble in my head, and I'd think, you know, what can I do? What should I do? So I'd reach out, because they always tell you, you know, especially in early recovery, if you're struggling, reach out, you know, phone a friend, uh, reach out to sober groups, this, that, and the other. And I became quite frustrated at the emphasis on meetings, particularly 12-step meetings. So for those that don't know, 12-step meetings are alcoholics anonymous, narcotics anonymous, cocaine anonymous, uh, sex and love anonymous. There's all kinds of anonymous. Generally speaking, if it's anonymous, it's 12-step. Um, and I had tried those meetings. I did them for the first six months of my recovery. You know, I came out of treatment um and I was told go to a meeting, go to a meeting, go to a meeting. Came out of treatment. On my first night, I couldn't be bothered to go to a meeting, so I had a curry instead. Um, but then the next day, you know, I was kind of in this like limbo period where I thought, well, I've got to go to a meeting. And it had been, it had been, you know, bashed into my brain. You have to go to meetings. Went to meetings, didn't like it. They were all right to start with. I quite liked um being in a group of people that, you know, kind of knew where you were coming from, knew what you were talking about. But I didn't like other parts of the meeting. I I I don't like um I'm not into praying. Um, you know, like there's just quite a huggy environment. Lots of people hug and do all that sort of thing. It's not my cup of tea. You know, I'm quite affectionate with those that I love, but not a stranger that I meet at a meeting. But anyway, meetings work for me, they're not for everyone. They work for a lot of people, if you obviously work the program, um, but it's not for everyone. It certainly wasn't for me. So I stopped going. And when I would reach out on the uh alumni page of the rehab I went to, I'd ask for support, and everyone in the comments, meetings, meetings, meetings, go to a meeting. Here you go, here's an AA meeting. And I'd say, Well, I don't like that meeting. I don't want to go to a meeting. Okay, go to this meeting. And I got quite frustrated. Um, so anyway, in around 2020, I think, I remember a friend of mine who I'd met in treatment. Um, he actually privately messaged me and he said, You know, you've got a really good recovery. I think it would probably help a lot of people if you shared your story. Because not everyone wants to do the 12-steps. And he he is is actually and still is um uh a 12-stepper. He loves the 12-steps, goes to meetings all the time. Um, and this is what he said to me. So I kind of planted a seed, and I thought, well, yeah, why not? Because there's probably loads of people out there struggling, you know, with meetings and thinking, well, I don't want to go to meetings, but I want to be in recovery. And if you go to meetings, there's a there's an expression they use jails, institutions, or death. And that's that's kind of the alternative to meetings. That's what a lot of people say in there. Now I'm not tying them all with the same brush because there's a huge amount of 12-steppers, I'm sure, um, that that say, you know, there's no one size fits all, do whatever works for you. But there are unfortunately many, many, many people that say otherwise. They say it's meetings, meetings, meetings. You must do the 12 steps, otherwise it's relapse, it's active addiction. You know, there's no in-between. So anyway, I started the page, um, started out with a couple of hundred followers. Uh, I'd shared it on my own personal Facebook. A couple of hundred followers, I was sharing my story, getting lots of great feedback. Um and then I started advertising it sort of around the country on local notice boards. And I I managed to get up to about 20,000 followers, which was incredible. Um, it was it was a really bizarre time, you know. I was I was sharing my story, I was doing Facebook Lives, I was posting every day, and it became a a huge part of my life, you know. Um, and I did enjoy it. It was it was lovely, you know. You got loads of great feedback, the odd troll here and there, but 99 times out of a hundred, it was really positive, and I seemed to be making a difference, and that that is what kind of grabbed me. I love making a difference, you know. If I can improve one person's life through this podcast, I'll be a very, very happy man. Um so anyway, with the with the page, um, a lot of people said, Well, why don't you write a book? So I started working on that. Um I had a ghostwriter uh who helped me. We had like uh weekly Zoom meetings where I would, because this is during COVID, um, where I would tell her about my life, she would write it down, um, send me chapter by chapter, I would change the bits that needed changing, send it back, back and forth, back and forth, that sort of thing. And from start to finish, the process took about six months, and that's when it kind of, you know, really ramped up a gear. Um, the book became hugely successful. It's still and will always be one of my proudest achievements, you know. Um, it went to number one in the UK on Amazon, it was in the number one on Movers and Shakers, it was number one in in the the substance abuse categories, all that sort of thing. It was in the top ten for months and months. It was absolutely fantastic, you know. That feeling of having your life, your life story on bookshelves from here to Australia to America, absolutely incredible. Um, and I recommend it to anyone. If everyone's got a book in them, you know. If if you've got a story and you want to share it, go and share it. You know, what what have you got to lose? Um, this isn't a plug for Amazon, but Amazon do a great service called KDP and it's it's print on demand. You know, write your book, put it on there. You don't have to worry, you're not gonna lose anything. If people buy it, you make money and you share your story. Fantastic. If not, don't worry, it's out there if people want it. Um so anyway, I wrote the book, did really well. I went on tell, I went on radio, appeared in other people's podcasts. It was great. Um, and then it was around that time I was still working in a warehouse because again, I'm not the a traditional recoverer, if you like. Um, a lot of people, when they leave treatment, they go straight into counseling training or they go straight into support work and a rehab, they volunteer, da da da da da da. That's not the way I wanted to go. I wanted to taste a normal life. I wanted to see what normal life was like and whether or not I liked it. Uh turns out I didn't. And um, so I worked in the warehouse for a good two years, you know, uh, while the page was running, while I was sharing my story, the book was doing well, it was great. Um and after probably about 18 months, I just I decided to to go and volunteer in a rehab. Um, so I went and met somebody in a rehab, not too far from me. Um, the manager got the wheels in motion, the DBS took ages and ages and ages. Um, and then I finally got offered a volunteer role. Um, and then the rehab got really busy. They they um they thought I was pretty good, which is great. So they offered me a job. Um, so that was when I decided to close the page. Um and it was a strange feeling, you know, because I felt I needed to close the page because I I thought I'd better have more of a sort of private life. You know, if I'm dealing with clients, I don't want them necessarily knowing everything about me because they they might have followed the page, you know, because a lot of people struggling followed the page, and a lot of people ended up in rehab, which is great. Um obviously to get themselves sorted. Um, but I didn't I didn't think it was professional for them to know everything about me, so I thought I'm gonna close the page down. By this point, I think it was up to about 32,000 followers all over the country, mostly the UK, but abroad as well. And I closed it. And I would say I never looked back, but I did. You know, I I really kind of missed um, I missed having that space to sort of talk about my recovery and helping others and this, that, and the other. Um so I closed it down, started working in the rehab. Interestingly, I never actually told anyone in the rehab about my book. I didn't want it to be a like an ego thing or anything. And then, purely by coincidence, about six months into me working there, two clients came and they were admitted on the same day, and both of them said, I've read your book. And I was like, I went bright red in the face. And I remember my colleagues were like, What book? What book? What do you mean? And then, luckily for me, actually, because then the clients started telling each other and they started to buy the book. So it actually improved my royalties, and kind of every client group we have, uh, it's almost like Chinese whispers. They pass it on and pass it on and pass it on. So it was great for my royalties, but then people started to know a lot more about me. But it's it's not the worst thing in the world. I mean, as a support worker or recovery worker, my proper job title, um, I I always I was always quite fond of self-disclosure, you know, used appropriately, I think it can be really effective. Certainly in um the addiction recovery industry, you know. Um it was during this time, I think, when I started working in the rehab, that I did restart my counselling training. Now, for those of you that have read my first book, um, you'll know that I actually did level one counselling about six months before I went to rehab, I was in absolutely no fit state to do it. But but even then, I knew I wanted to help people on some kind of level, you know. Um, but I was I was in the grips of addiction at the time. I was, you know, hitting the whiskey hard, the class A's and everything else, you know, it was it wasn't a nice time for me. I've somehow managed to pass. I mean, the level one is is pretty straightforward anyway. So I think it's about a 10-week course. Um, but I obviously put it to one side, got myself well, and then restarted level two um in Stroud, Stroud College, um, some years later. I worked in the rehab for a good 10 months, I think. Um, I was a recovery worker, um, so I was, you know, giving out meds, um, doing sleep shifts, doing wake-in-night shifts mostly, actually, at that time. Um, and I really I felt at home in a rehab. Um, it's it's nice to be able to do something that not you're not just good at, but something you really love and you're really passionate about. And the the reason you're good at it, I don't think necessarily everyone in recovery is necessarily going to be really good in a rehab because I've met people who are in recovery and that not they're not the best. Um, you know, that some can be very kind of opinionated, some can be like, you know, the 12 steppers that I've I've just been speaking about, the ones that say meetings, meetings, meetings. Because you shouldn't have those people working in recovery, uh, recovery industry in my in my eyes, you know, because the people that say meetings, meetings, meetings, yeah, that's great for the people that want to do the meetings, but for the people that don't, if you're telling them there's no other alternative, I mean you're you can potentially do some serious harm because they're either going to be miserable in meetings for the rest of their lives if they don't relapse, or they're gonna think, well, this is rubbish, I might as well go back to active addiction. Because if your recovery um isn't as good as your time in active addiction, I mean you'd go back to active addiction, wouldn't you? This is a no-brainer. And I kind of wouldn't blame anyone if they did. Um, you know, and I and I kind of I would argue, I wouldn't call that recovery anyway. They might be clean, they might be sober, but that's not recovery. Recovery for me is about changing everything that needs changing. It's not perfection, nowhere near perfection. You know, I don't even believe in perfection. Um, but it's about doing everything you can and striving to be a better person. You know, when you make a mistake, you own that mistake, that kind of thing. Um, and because we all make mistakes. Uh recovery, like I say, recovery does not make you perfect. Um, so I worked at a rehab for quite some time. The page was a distant memory, the endless possibilities page. Um, and then I I got a bit bored of the the uh the wake in night shifts. It was mentally draining. I couldn't seem to get any day shifts or sleep shifts, because sleep shifts are all right. God, you get paid for sleeping, it's great. Um, unless you get woken up, but that's that comes with the job. Um but waking nights all the time, and you know, sleeping in the day or trying to sleep in the day because I I'm not I'm not one for sleeping in the day. I much prefer going to bed in the evening, waking up in the morning. Um it was really affecting me, you know. It was affecting my mental health, my physical health. I seemed to be getting poorly a lot, you know, just just feeling drained. And I thought this isn't recovery, I can't keep doing this. So I left. I left the rehab, um, which was sad, you know, because it was the first job I'd ever actually been really good at. Um, the only job I've ever really, really, really enjoyed. Um, but I took a kind of sideways step. Um I carried on in the addiction industry, but I worked for a local drug and alcohol service instead. I say local, I moved two hours away. Got myself a lovely little flat uh in Yoval and and I and I and I went there. Unfortunately, it wasn't the job I thought it was. It was all kind of computer-based. Um, it it was you see you see a client or speak to a client for a few minutes on the phone, and then you're doing like paperwork for or computer work for like half an hour, 40 minutes. Do you know what I mean? It just wasn't it wasn't for me. It wasn't, although it was frontline, I like to be there face to face, interacting with the clients, helping them out, supporting them in whatever way I can. Whereas working in the drug and alcohol service, it was much more felt very clinical with all the paperwork and the computer stuff. Um, but I will say the team of people that I was working with uh in Yoval were absolutely fantastic. I have never met such a kind of dedicated, hard-working team of people and knowledgeable as well. Bly me. Like I kind I knew uh recovery stuff, you know, abstinence stuff, but they knew like all my colleagues knew every single pathway that they had to take, all the safeguarding stuff, this, that, and the other. And that's not where my strengths are. Um so after just a short time, a few months, um, I decided to leave. Um and I came, I came back to Gloucestershire. Um I was sad to leave Yeovil. The people were amazing, my flat was lovely. Um, I had it all um immaculate inside just how I wanted it. Um I'm quite kind of eccentric with my interior design. You know, I had I had like leopard print throws over my sofa, I had um horrendous um ornaments from charity shops that that that I um that I bought in Yovel, all over my mantelpiece and windowsills and everything. If there was a space, there was going to be an ornament. Um I'm I I don't know why, uh, but I've always been that that way inclined with with grotesque ornaments. The more grotesque, the better. You know, I had this one, it's like it was like a chipped, tankered thing, like a pirate, and um like his nose was hanging off, but it just looked really cool. And I and that was my pride and joy uh when I was living there, along with my leperprince over, of course. But anyway, I came back, came back from Yovor, a little bit deflated, but happy to be gone back to my old job. And I started again in the rehab, and immediately I felt at home. Um, I came back on the condition that I only have day shifts and sleep shifts, which um which which uh happened, thankfully. Um they kept to their word, which was brilliant. Um and I start I got stuck back into that kind of the world of rehab. Um, like I say, I felt at home and uh I I just I really enjoy being in that environment. It's great. You know, you're seeing people at their very worst, and you you watch them come back to life, you know, over the course of 28 days or three months or whatever, how long however long they're staying there. Um, it's a real privilege to do that as well. You get a lot of resistance, you get a lot of tricky clients that that comes with the job. Of course, it does, you know, not everyone just comes in and ta-da, they're they're back to normal, whatever normal may be. They may never have been normal. I certainly wasn't. Um so yeah, I I carried on working there. I still work there now. Um, it was when I came back to Gloucestershire that I met Amy, um, who is now my wife. I'm happily married, have been since September 2025. Um, I gained a stepson called Alby, who I love. He's six, nearly seven. And we've had a little boy called Kieran as well, who's one next month. Um, he's actually won three days after I celebrate seven years clean and sober. So life has gone from rehab to kind of everything I've ever dreamed of. I mean, there's there's more to achieve, of course there is, but I've got a beautiful wife, I've got my own little family. Um, you know, Albie and Kieran, they're wonderful. I treat Albi like like he's my own, because well, he is, he he is my own. Um, he's my boy. And then I've got Kieran as well, and you know, he is my boy, and he looks exactly like me. He's whingy, he's grumpy, he's he can be miserable at times, but can't we all? Um but saying that, he's absolutely beautiful, you know. He's he's my he's my pride and joy. And he's he my family now, my wife and two boys, is that is like the ultimate gift of recovery. So I'm back now in Gloucestershire. Um I've started this new project, the podcast. People were telling me to do it for ages, you know, all the time I was blogging. They were saying, do a podcast, do a podcast. But I just never got round to it. You know, I I never, I never, I don't think I could afford the equipment, to be honest with you. Um, but I never got the equipment, I didn't have space to do it. Uh, but now, uh running alongside my podcast is my sober coaching business, which I just set up. Um, I haven't officially launched it yet, but it is there. The website's there, ready to, ready to go. Um, and I've got my own office uh which I rent out, which is now my office for sober coaching, because it's all online, and it's also my studio for the podcasting. So it's really exciting at the moment. Got lots of stuff going on. Uh my wife has the patience of a set of this of a saint because she she has to deal with me leaving to work all the time because I do I do work hard, I take pride in working hard. And I've been working in the rehab for quite some time now. I've gone from recovery worker to group facilitator, meaning I either work alongside a therapist, um, facilitating groups, or I do my own groups, um, mostly kind of psychoeducational stuff, uh, which I really love. But I've reduced that down to two days a week because I want to keep my foot in the door. I can't leave the rehab again and come back a third time. So I'm keeping my foot in the door because I love it. It doesn't pay the pay the bills, so I'm gonna keep my foot in the door until I become a qualified therapist because I'm still doing my counselling qualifications. I'm up to level four now. I'll be starting level two at the second year in September, and then I'll be fully qualified this time next year, which is really exciting. Um, I'm gonna see how this sober coaching takes off. Um, the podcast will run as long as it wants to run. I mean, I could talk for England, as I'm sure you're aware. Um, but it's really exciting stuff. Um, I'm very much looking forward to the future. Um, like I say, Kieran's won next month, and it's the time's flown by, and I thought I can't stay in a job forever that doesn't pay the bills. So although I'm still there, I'm just doing two days a week. The rest of my time is family time, sober coaching, and podcasts in that order as well. Family comes first. Well, it doesn't, recovery comes first because without my recovery, um, I I don't have anything, you know. Look after your recovery, and the rest falls into place, as they say. Um, but anyway, I'm I'm gonna call it a day there. Um, thank you so much for listening. Please hit follow, subscribe on Spotify, Apple Music, whatever. I'm on all major platforms as far as I'm aware. Um, and join me next Sunday for the next episode. I'm gonna be talking about addiction, recovery, life in general. And if you have any suggestions for topics uh for me to talk about, please let me know. Um, you'll find all the information on how to contact me uh through Facebook, just search endless possibilities, and I'm there. Um, right, take care, and hopefully you can join me next week.